The Way to San Jose

Ok so, here’s the scene.  You’re driving late at night and someone has been honking at you for that last half mile. Now you’re trapped at a red light and he has pulled up beside you. Don’t look over. Don’t make eye contact! He’s honking again and has rolled his window down. He’s yelling something!! Oh my God…  What? “Your passenger side rear tire is almost flat.” Oh… 

That was me honking at you. I’ve really never been afraid to introduce myself to strangers; especially when safety is at stake. Asking for directions on the other hand; that’s a whole different thing. Why is that? I know for me personally, I HATE random lists of instructions and after all isn’t that exactly what directions are?  Go Left. Go right. Go down three lights, and you’re lost. But that’s me. Memorizing directions is absolutely repugnant. But I’m not really sure why.

I have found that when I resist something for no apparent reason, usually there’s a subconscious reason lurking in the primordial depths. So I began to ponder this mystery. Here’s what I discovered:

Language probably started with asking for directions.  No, I’m serious. Bees communicate but they only “talk” about one thing: where to find the nectar. And what did cave men have to say to one another that couldn’t be communicated with the more effective shrug? Or the far more effective grunt? Still in use today, the grunt is a very practical form of communications. With a change in inflection, it can communicate everything from, “The wife and kids are fine. Thank you for asking.” to “The job sucks. Why did you have to bring that up?”  The grunt could even have been used by early man to say, “I see you found food. May I have some?”  But there’s one thing the grunt could not have communicated.

The grunt could not have communicated “You see that hill? You go three valleys that way until you come to a big rock shaped like a fish. There you will find plenty of food. Go away now.”  Yes, language had to be developed in order to give directions.

But what if you were a caveman and you just found a valley full of food? Would you be inclined to tell another caveman about it? Of course you wouldn’t. You’d just want him to go away; far, far away so you could eat in peace.  So along with the beginning of language and directions, comes lying to stay one step ahead of your neighbor.   

The reason why we resist asking for directions is that subconsciously, we expect to be lied to. We expect the directions to get us lost or lead to nothing but a thorn patch.